Before Marrying
Selecting a Spouse
The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. " (Muslim) And he said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. "(Bukhari) And he said, "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. " (Muslim)
The same holds true when looking for a husband, as the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. " (Tirmidhi)
Of course, both parties have to agree to marry one another and they can not be forced to marry one another . The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "A woman whom has been previously married has more right concerning herself than her guardian, and a virgin’s consent must be asked about herself…" (Bukhari and Muslim)
Rules of Al-Khutbah (Request to marry a woman and the acceptance of the proposal)
The man has permission to see her face before agreeing to marry as the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Go and look at her (the woman you are considering marrying) because this will help your time together to be strengthened. " ( Ahmad )
After a man and woman have agreed to marry, they have to remember that the man is still not her mahram (men prohibited to her, including her father, brothers, sons, maternal and paternal uncles, and nephews). This means they can not still deal with one another as partners in any way (such as shaking hands, gazing at one another, being alone together, going out together, etc.), or go out with one another as we see people in the west doing. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not have a private audience with a woman without her mahram. " ( Ahmad )
The Wedding Ceremony (Nikaah) Components
1 –Consent: ‘Aishah(R) asked Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) if women must be asked for their permission of marriage. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) replied, "Yes. " She said, ‘The virgin is asked for her permission but she gets shy. Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Her silence is her permission. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
2 –The Wallee (Woman’s Guardian): Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no nikaah except with a wallee. " ( Ahmad ,Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi)
3 –Two Witnesses: Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and trustworthy witnesses. " (Sahih- Bayhaqee) Also, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and two witnesses. " (Sahih amount, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Look for one even if it was an iron ring. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
The woman is not obliged to give the man anything at the time of the wedding, as is done in some cultures.
Acts to be Avoided
We should be careful to not act as the disbelievers do regarding their mixing of men and women, wearing tuxedos and white wedding gowns, exchanging rings, kissing in public, etc. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever resembles a people is one of them. " (Abu Dawood)
After the Wedding Supporting One’s Wife
The man is responsible for providing for his wife, as Allah says (what means),
"Let the wealthy man spend according to his means; and let the man whose provisions are restricted spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a soul beyond what He has given it, and Allah will grant ease after a hardship. " (Al-Talaq65:7)Al-Jaami’)
4 –The Mahr (Dowry): Allah says (what means): The mahr can be of any
"And give to the women their dowry with a good heart, but if they out of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm. " (Al-Nisa4:4)
amount, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Look for one even if it was an iron ring. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
The woman is not obliged to give the man anything at the time of the wedding, as is done in some cultures.
Acts to be Avoided
We should be careful to not act as the disbelievers do regarding their mixing of men and women, wearing tuxedos and white wedding gowns, exchanging rings, kissing in public, etc.
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever resembles a people is one of them. " (Abu Dawood)
After the Wedding Supporting One’s WifeThe man is responsible for providing for his wife, as Allah says (what means),
"Let the wealthy man spend according to his means; and let the man whose provisions are restricted spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a soul beyond what He has given it, and Allah will grant ease after a hardship. " (Al-Talaq65:7)
Islam even gives women the right to take secretly money from their husbands if the husbands are not providing for them. Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) and said,
"O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man and does not give me and my children enough provisions except when I take something from him with out his knowledge. " Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Take what is reasonably sufficient for you and your children. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
Educating One’s FamilySince the man has put in the position of providing for his family, he must also provide them with the proper Islamic education to keep them from the hellfire.
Allah says (what means),"O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones (that were worshipped), over it are appointed angels stern and severe, who disobey not the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded. " (Al-Tahrim66:6)
Both the husband and wife should make sure their home is a place where Allah is remembered and His Commandments are reflected and acted upon. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "The similitude of a home in which Allah is remembered and a home in which He is not is like the living and the dead. " (Muslim)
The Wife Obeying Her HusbandA woman must obey her husband as long as he does not tell her to perform any haraam(unlawful) acts. Allah says (what means),"…the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in absence what Allah would have then guard. " (Al-Nisa4:34)
Kind Treatment To One’s WifeJust because Allah has given men a position of authority does not give them the right to abuse it. They have to treat their wives in the best manner. Allah says (what means), "Live with them honorably. " (Al-Nisa4:19)
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "The believer with the most complete faith is the one with the best character, and the best of them are those whom treat their women the best. " (Tirmidhi)
We can see from the seerah (biography) of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) that he would help his wives with housework and would engage in games with them as well.This article did not cover all the aspects of marriage, but it is hoped it was beneficial. Anything good in this article is from Allah and anything incorrect is from myself.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
haya' (shyness)
What is Haya?
Haya itself is derived from the word hayat which means life. This term covers a wide number of concepts. In English, it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, humility, etc. The original meaning of Haya according to a believer's nature, refers to a bad and uneasy feeling accompanied by embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censured for some unworthy or indecent conduct. Islamically Haya is an attribute which pushes the believer to avoid anything distasteful or abominable. It keeps him/her from being neglectful in giving everyone what is due upon them, and if for any reason he/she is not able to keep up with his/her commitment then they will feel extremely uncomfortable and ashamed about this. The reason being that he/she will have displeased Allah by breaking a commitment.
Haya plays a huge role in the lives of Muslims because it is a very important part of our Iman (faith/belief). If we do not have any form of haya within us then it is most likely that our Iman is very weak. For as it states in the following hadith:
Narrated by Abu Huraira (ra): The Prophet said, "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Haya is a part of faith." (Bukhari)
We also learn from the Prophet (saws) the importance of having haya and how it is not something to be ashamed of, but instead, one should be concerned and ashamed if they do not possess it within their character. Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar (ra): The Prophet (saws) passed by a man who was admonishing his brother regarding Haya and was saying, "You are very shy, and I am afraid that might harm you." On that, Allah's Apostle said, "Leave him, for Haya is (a part) of Faith." (Bukhari)
Now the above hadith is also a form of proof that "shyness" is not just something regarding women but also an attribute that believing men should have, for it is an indication if their fear of Allah and an indication of the value of their Deen.
When we think back to when we were young around eight or nine years old -we all remember this feeling of shyness and humility naturally occurring - for many it was when we felt we wanted to conceal our bodies from our mums or siblings. We were often told - "don't be silly" or "we have seen it all before" and the many other comments that people in the west or ignorant Muslim parents affected by the western values (or lack of them) say to their pure children. If these natural instincts of shyness and shame are taken by the smart parent and nurtured, it will develop and affect their entire character and also most importantly lead to a conscious responsible Muslim who prioritise their life towards submission to Allah (swt).
We often find that shyness, humility and bashfulness is frowned upon by our society as a weakness or a lack of confidence when, Infact these are quality of a dignified upright human being, who is conscious of their actions and their responsibilities in life.
Now to discuss the different types of haya. How many types of haya are there? Haya' is of two kinds: good and bad:
The good Hayâ' is to be ashamed to commit a sin or a thing which Allah and His Messenger (saws) has forbidden, and bad Hayâ' is to feel ashamed to do a thing, which Allah and His Messenger (saws) ordered to do. Firstly, to talk about the types of Good haya. For example, anyone who is a believer, he/she should build their personalities and their character with the good dimensions of haya. The most important is that he/she must be shy of doing ANYTHING displeasing to Allah (swt), with the belief that he/she will have to answer for all their deeds. If one develops a sense such as this one, it will help the believer to obey all of Allah's command and to stay away from sins. Once the believer realises that Allah (swt) is watching us all the time and we will have to answer to every move we make in this dunya (world), he/she would not neglect any order from Allah or His Messenger (saws). So the stronger this sense of haya becomes, the more it motivates one to make sure that Allah (swt) doesn't see him/her doing anything prohibited. The way to develop this haya is that one must keep learning and absorbing more knowledge and applying it to their lives.
Another type of haya is more of a social aspect concerning others besides Allah (swt). Normally these things often come in regard with ones relationship with family. For instance, a child not wanting to do something displeasing to his mother, or a wife not wanting to do something displeasing to her husband or even a student who is careful about saying something incorrect in front of his teacher.. Last but not least is the type of haya in which the believers become shy of themselves. This is when they have reached the peek of their Iman. What this means is that if they do, or say, or see, anything wrong or even commit the tiniest sin, they start to feel extremely bad and embarrassed or they feel extreme guilt in their heart. This builds a high degree of self-consciousness and that is what strengthens the believers commitment to Allah (swt)
Haya itself is derived from the word hayat which means life. This term covers a wide number of concepts. In English, it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, humility, etc. The original meaning of Haya according to a believer's nature, refers to a bad and uneasy feeling accompanied by embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censured for some unworthy or indecent conduct. Islamically Haya is an attribute which pushes the believer to avoid anything distasteful or abominable. It keeps him/her from being neglectful in giving everyone what is due upon them, and if for any reason he/she is not able to keep up with his/her commitment then they will feel extremely uncomfortable and ashamed about this. The reason being that he/she will have displeased Allah by breaking a commitment.
Haya plays a huge role in the lives of Muslims because it is a very important part of our Iman (faith/belief). If we do not have any form of haya within us then it is most likely that our Iman is very weak. For as it states in the following hadith:
Narrated by Abu Huraira (ra): The Prophet said, "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Haya is a part of faith." (Bukhari)
We also learn from the Prophet (saws) the importance of having haya and how it is not something to be ashamed of, but instead, one should be concerned and ashamed if they do not possess it within their character. Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar (ra): The Prophet (saws) passed by a man who was admonishing his brother regarding Haya and was saying, "You are very shy, and I am afraid that might harm you." On that, Allah's Apostle said, "Leave him, for Haya is (a part) of Faith." (Bukhari)
Now the above hadith is also a form of proof that "shyness" is not just something regarding women but also an attribute that believing men should have, for it is an indication if their fear of Allah and an indication of the value of their Deen.
When we think back to when we were young around eight or nine years old -we all remember this feeling of shyness and humility naturally occurring - for many it was when we felt we wanted to conceal our bodies from our mums or siblings. We were often told - "don't be silly" or "we have seen it all before" and the many other comments that people in the west or ignorant Muslim parents affected by the western values (or lack of them) say to their pure children. If these natural instincts of shyness and shame are taken by the smart parent and nurtured, it will develop and affect their entire character and also most importantly lead to a conscious responsible Muslim who prioritise their life towards submission to Allah (swt).
We often find that shyness, humility and bashfulness is frowned upon by our society as a weakness or a lack of confidence when, Infact these are quality of a dignified upright human being, who is conscious of their actions and their responsibilities in life.
Now to discuss the different types of haya. How many types of haya are there? Haya' is of two kinds: good and bad:
The good Hayâ' is to be ashamed to commit a sin or a thing which Allah and His Messenger (saws) has forbidden, and bad Hayâ' is to feel ashamed to do a thing, which Allah and His Messenger (saws) ordered to do. Firstly, to talk about the types of Good haya. For example, anyone who is a believer, he/she should build their personalities and their character with the good dimensions of haya. The most important is that he/she must be shy of doing ANYTHING displeasing to Allah (swt), with the belief that he/she will have to answer for all their deeds. If one develops a sense such as this one, it will help the believer to obey all of Allah's command and to stay away from sins. Once the believer realises that Allah (swt) is watching us all the time and we will have to answer to every move we make in this dunya (world), he/she would not neglect any order from Allah or His Messenger (saws). So the stronger this sense of haya becomes, the more it motivates one to make sure that Allah (swt) doesn't see him/her doing anything prohibited. The way to develop this haya is that one must keep learning and absorbing more knowledge and applying it to their lives.
Another type of haya is more of a social aspect concerning others besides Allah (swt). Normally these things often come in regard with ones relationship with family. For instance, a child not wanting to do something displeasing to his mother, or a wife not wanting to do something displeasing to her husband or even a student who is careful about saying something incorrect in front of his teacher.. Last but not least is the type of haya in which the believers become shy of themselves. This is when they have reached the peek of their Iman. What this means is that if they do, or say, or see, anything wrong or even commit the tiniest sin, they start to feel extremely bad and embarrassed or they feel extreme guilt in their heart. This builds a high degree of self-consciousness and that is what strengthens the believers commitment to Allah (swt)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)